They tell you that you are the continuation of your father, and they even say that you look exactly like your father; your way of smiling, of reacting is very much like your father’s way. And you know that scientifically you are the continuation of your father, because your father has transmitted himself to you through his genes and so on, so it’s true. Intellectually, you accept that your father is in you, you are the continuation of your father, but sometimes you feel that it looks like you are not your father. Your father is somehow different, and you are different.
Even if members of your family, other people, friends, tell you that you behave and have many habit energies [like your father]: your way of reacting, your way of doing things is very much the way of your father, and yet you don’t feel that you are your father – you are different. This is because you have an image of your father outside of you, and that image is not deep enough. You have not discovered your father deeply enough. You have only an image of your father, a notion of your father that does not represent the totality of your father. That is why you feel that your father in you is quite different from your father outside.
The first reason why you don’t feel that your father outside you and your father inside you are the same is that you have got an image of your father outside that is not deep enough. You have not really seen him in depth, and since you know that your father is also in you, you have a chance to get to know him in a deeper way, so by getting in touch with your father in yourself, you have a chance to understand your father outside yourself better. It’s a very interesting process if you have enough curiosity and determination. It will bring you a lot of energy and joy. Then, the father inside more intimately connects with your mother than the father outside does. Physically and mentally also, your father and mother are not as deeply connected outside of you as they are inside.
These connections are both physical and psychological – that is why you don’t recognise him in you. And then your father inside of you sounds and looks quite different from your father outside because you have had a different kind of environment; you have lived in a different kind of environment. You have received input that your father has not, and if you are a practitioner, then you have transformed your father in you a lot. Your father in you may be more beautiful than your father outside. He’s more calm, more serene. He knows how to do walking meditation, he knows how to breathe in and out and enjoy his in-breath and out-breath, and your father outside does not know how to do this. So your father inside may be more beautiful, more relaxed, more happy than your father outside, because of you, because you are a practitioner – so everything you do is your father’s profit. Every negative thing you do, your father in you has to inherit, and every good thing you do, your father will profit also. And in Plum Village we always say, it’s kind of you to practise for your father, to walk for your father, to sit for your father, to breathe and to smile for your father, and things are impermanent. Maybe your father outside of you is changing, but because he’s not a practitioner, that is why your father in you is changing more quickly, and you are very kind to allow your father to change quickly like that. And your father in you may be more beautiful, more compassionate than your father outside.
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"Tell your father that you carry him to the future, and he has a good future, and you are very glad about that, This will help him to get along with you and go on the same path."
